(yes. i am procrastinating.)

i think i'm too hard on my mom sometimes. or i don't give her enough credit.
with the two of us going back to school this year, she is doing so much better than me. that woman just triumphs under pressure... i'm constantly caving in. she's just as disciplined as she is passionate, whereas passion runs my entire agenda (and we all know how often passion fluctuates).

she's the kind that would run for student council (she's already a student rep for her program), whereas i would go out of my way to avoid those kinds of social obligations. she's classmates with people mostly my age and i'm classmates with people mostly her age. in fact, her closest friend at school is only a year older than me.

there is something so very skewed about all of this.

anyway, she's doing really well and i'm happy for her. sometimes i feel so bogged down with a double workload of papers cuz she's always asking me to proofread/re-word hers, but all i have to do is hear her squeal for joy and hold her back from hugging me to death and see the good marks she's getting... then i remember that it's all worth it.

sigh... back to late paper #3 for me.

"...for who i am..."

i hear it all the time.

"love me for who i am! accept me for who i am! appreciate me for who i am! {insert imperative verb} me for who i am!"

and i was just thinking... it's such a loaded demand. what dictates a person's identity anyway?

who are you? who am i? what makes me Me?

first response: i am {insert name}. but if i change my name, am i still Me? i believe so. therefore my name does not dictate my identity.

what about occupation? people seem really caught up in introducing themselves with their occupation... "hello, i am {insert name} and i work for {insert company} as a {insert occupation}. is occupation really so important? why is it one of the first things we tell people about ourselves? people switch occupations all the time, too... does a person's identity change each time? my perception of identity doesn't account for change based on occupation. i'm going from science to linguistics and i'm still Me.

what about gender? ahhh... and now we've entered the physical/corporeal realm of identity. if i were male, would i still be Me? it's easy to say no, but let's explore this a bit further. what makes a person male or female? seriously. i'm sure people answer this on different scales. genital parts? surgeries nowadays can add and take away accordingly. does this addition/subtraction change the essential identity of a person? i don't believe so. xx is xx and xy is xy and that can't change. if i lost my arm in an accident, am i any less human? i don't believe so... i would still consider myself Me. so if a person lost a genital part, are they no longer themselves? nice try, but no. it's like getting a name change... in the end, i'd still be Me.

let's extend the physical discussion. how far can people physically change themselves before they are no longer themselves? is it even possible? again, i guess it depends on your definition of identity. if i dye my hair and put on makeup, i'd still be Me. if i get braces and laser eye correction, i'd still be Me. if i entered myself into a senseless reality show like The Swan and got a whole body makeover to the point where i'm no longer anything like my old self, i'd still be Me (as much as i despise such methods). i say this because of those who suffer other extremes... for example, if i were to be caught in a fire and burned beyond recognition, would i still be Me? of course!

it's so tempting, then, to conclude that genetic make-up comprises a person's identity. what about cancer, then? do the cancerous parts of a person have a different identity from the healthy parts? what about hormone injections? implants?? that's donor DNA right there. i would still consider myself Me with someone else's organs. so then, what percentage of my DNA would contribute to me still being Me? 50%? what if i get all my organs replaced and end up with less than 50% of my original body? would i still be Me? i say... yes.

so whatever dictates my identity must be more than physical then. emotions? no. they're just expressions of identity; they don't control it. if i was an actress, i may be playing a part, but even then, i'd still be Me acting like someone else. personality? hard to tell... this kinda ties in with genetic make-up and hormones and what not. it's easy to manipulate certain aspects of a person's personality by given them medication to control their hormones. does this affect the identity of a person? i like to think not.

what about the mind? hmm. the mind, as in... what? the ability of the brain to manage the body? the ability to reason? consciousness itself? if something happened to reduce any of these abilities (ie. a person suffers a stroke or is in a coma), does the person still retain their original identity? if i am lying comatose and attached to a machine, am i still Me? it's getting trickier to answer, but... yah, i believe so. as long as i'm still breathing, my soul continues to dwell in my body.

soul... hmmmmm... let's continue with the above example. if someone were to pull the plug, when is it that i stop being Me? when i no longer show any vital signs, is that lifeless body still Me? do i still exist as Me after physical death? that is, does the Me in the former physical body equate to the same Me after the body has been shed and a new one is taken on in Heaven? i believe so.

i'm not sure there's a particular point i wanna drive home at the end of this lengthy ramble.

then again, who says i need a reason... hehe.

i'll end off with the following verse:

"Come, let us worship and bow down,

Let us kneel before the LORD our Maker."

--

Psalms 95:6

indescribable

indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
and You know them by name
You are amazing, God

...

tonight was so refreshing, so liberating...

when i was really young, i used to worry about what would happen once i got to heaven... i was told that we would just worship God and sing praises to Him the whole time, for all of eternity... and i was worried cuz i thought i'd get tired of praising Him after a while, and then what...

oh, how ignorant i was! how ignorant i still am about a lot of things!

who could possibly get tired of worshipping the Lord???

...

uncomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart
and You love me the same
You are amazing, God

יִשְׂרָאֵל [yiś|rā|’ēl]

as a kid, i wanted more than anything to go to disneyworld.

i've outgrown that... for the most part ;)

as a child of God, i want more than anything to go to Israel... now more than ever. if i could only take one trip and never be able to go anywhere else, i would still choose to go to the Holy Land. i'd even give up my honeymoon. or else i would go then. furthermore, i would love to celebrate Christmas in Bethlehem.

*sigh* ...this is my dream :)

kahit isang saglit

the movie, not the song :P

so i watched it tonight. man, that piolo is growing on me... and lemme tell you, there's no substitute for tagalog movies... they get to me every time.

i can't stand it!

*sniff*

honestly, who needs onions when you have a filipino flick lying around...

lamah?!?!?!

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hgfkljhlnxx.dxhbtytf/ffdxfdx/m /grfdx/dx ;kwwew
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holy friendship

an excerpt from Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales, found in Elisabeth Elliot's book, Quest for Love:

Holy friendship has no looks but what are simple and modest, no caresses but those that are pure and sincere, no sighs but for heaven, no familiarities but those of the soul, no complaints but that God is not loved, the infallible signs of purity.

Worldly friendship confuses the judgment. . . . Holy friendship has a clear light and does not seek to hide itself, appearing willingly before good men.

When we see a man dress himself out and draw near to flatter and wheedle, and whisper in the ears of a woman with no pretension to lawful marriage, without doubt it is in order to incite her to impurity; and a virtuous woman will close her ears to the voice of the charmer who seeks to enchant her: but if she hearken to him, what an ominous sign it is of the future loss of her heart!

Young people who indulge in looks and caresses, or speak words in which they would be unwilling to be surprised (i.e., overheard) by their fathers, mothers, husbands or wives, bear witness that their conduct is not that of honor and conscience. The Virgin Mary was troubled on seeing an angel in human form because she was alone, and he praised her greatly although his praise was heavenly. O Savior of the world! Purity fears an angel in the form of a man; why then does not purity fear a man even in angelic form, when he pours forth praises sensual and human?

---

i concur.

a bedtime story

once upon a time there was a child named taylor. taylor grew up with wolves. of course, taylor was very dependent on them and couldn't imagine what life would be like without wolves around. wolves were all taylor had ever known, and taylor loved them.

taylor also loved the sea. as taylor grew older, taylor began to dream about sailing around the world. the sea constantly beckoned to taylor, "taylor, leave your wolves and your land, the only life you've ever known, and respond to the call of the waters."

there was a strong conviction in taylor's heart that taylor belonged not on land, but on water. however, taylor was torn because taylor did not want to leave the wolves, and taylor knew that the wolves would not be able to come along. there was no way for taylor to cling to both... taylor had to let go of one, and it was the hardest decision taylor had ever faced.

in the end, taylor chose to sail the seas and leave the wolves behind. and the waters were made salty by taylor's tears, along with the tears of many others like taylor who were called to sea and had to leave behind all they ever knew and loved.