11 days...

...til i take off for langley. i've been living out of my luggage for the past two weeks already. it's been pretty hectic [a major understatement] here at home with my grandparents' golden anniversary last wknd and relatives flying in from everywhere. of course i had to be the first to get kicked out. but i can't complain... my room's upstairs and our AC's busted. it's sooo much cooler in the basement, which is where i'm temporarily sleeping. for a few days, there were actually 19 of us in the house!! we're back down to 15 though. still, i can't wait for this household to go back to normal.

i'm pretty excited about the summer. i still gotta sort out a few things, do some last-minute runs at walmart and then actually pack, but i'm more or less ready to go. i was able to buy a laptop to bring with me :) i got it for an amazing price... $569.99 before tax. yeees, it was an open item... but it's perfectly fine! it'll do for school. anyway, i'm very pleased with it. i mean her. her name is emma ;)

i'll be keeping my current cell# for the summer, so feel free to text me. i won't be changing my number quite yet. i'll have a landline, but i'm probably gonna do most of my long-distance calling through skype. so yah... skype me!

---

my grandparents, their children and their grandchildren

the road ahead

i am contemplating whether to share more personal details about my life instead of just blogging away without giving a real sense of what's happening with me. truth be told, it's just so much easier to post random, light-hearted entries without much growth or depth to them :P i don't even know who reads this blog, save a few. in any case, since i will be going away and i have a horrible track record of keeping in touch with people, perhaps i will begin to blog in a more journalistic fashion and keep you all updated on some of the goings-on in this God-given life of mine.

so i was once again shown mercy this semester. i passed a course when i clearly should've failed. i am indebted to my prof... and of course, ultimately to God. how is it that i managed to get this far in life on His mercy without exhausting it?? i am seriously humbled.

i stumbled across the following poem/prayer by thomas merton while reading through a catholic prayerbook for students. (B, i think you've quoted from this before... or else something similar.) his words echo my own prayer.

---

The Road Ahead

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I'm going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,

and the fact that I think that I am following your will

does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I'm doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this,

you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,

and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

what's the point??

i really don't understand why some businesses even bother creating websites if they don't include information about the services they provide. honestly. "hi, we're a studio and we do photos and videos!" (i thought that was a given, but ok.) "we do weddings and debuts!" (thank goodness?) "if you wanna know more about what we do for weddings and debuts, click on 'weddings' or 'debuts' to see a handful of sample shots we typically take!" (hmm... it looks like... oh, more or less the same basic stuff all studios do?) "in addition, you can view the random photos of strangers that comprise 99% of our website while listening to a nice instrumental sound file playing in the background that'll get you in the mood to do business with us!" (yesss... that'll do it.) "oh, if you wanna know how we do videos, you'll have to visit our studio for a demo!" (great.) "so here's our address, phone number and business hours so you can get in touch with us!" (ok... so then... wait, that's all you have to tell me on your site?? good grief, i know of ads in the yellow pages that can fit more information than that in a tiny little box...)

no prices, no options or packages, no equipment info, nothing...... sheesh. at least the studio has free parking. (again, thank goodness???)

pardon my sarcasm. the stress is getting to me.

one way to look at things

a friend and i came to the conclusion the other day that relationships are very tricky no matter where you are in your faith. in fact, you can be deceived into thinking that you're better off just cuz your criteria's changed and you're looking for someone with a good heart instead of judging how hot they are. not to equate the two or anything, but check it out (i'm watching too much american idol)...... they bring about the same effect. like, "wow, he's hot and has a nice car and makes a lot of money... i want him!" vs. "wow, he's an awesome worship leader and he's involved in a gazillion ministries and has a heart for God's people... i want him!" either way, you get stirred up. either way, all these crazy thoughts come into your head, and if you let them run wild, you risk becoming infatuated and then you begin to wonder whether this may be the right person for you (even though a bunch of other people could qualify) and before you know it, bye-bye objectivity!! now, let's say both situations result in relationships... girl A begins to have problems with the hot rich guy cuz he spends so much time working (to make all that money) that they hardly spend any quality time together. at least her definition of quality, whatever that means... it's enough to know that his definition is a lot different from hers. boy, she didn't see that one coming. and then there's girl B who is also beginning to experience problems because her guy gets the calling to serve in southeast asia whereas she's convinced of her calling to serve in the local church. what to do, what to do?? she didn't see that one coming either.

the point is, no matter what qualities you're looking for, you're still taking a risk if you make that decision on your own. don't be fooled just cuz the qualities you're looking for aren't as "superficial" as they used to be. that doesn't make the other person any more right for you, nor does it make you a better judge of who is right for you. you gotta give it to God each and every single time, and more so if you think you're further along spiritually than you used to be, cuz it's so easy to get caught up in the "i-know-better-now-than-i-did-before" mentality. if you've ever been there, you'll know how tough it really is to truly let go of your desires and have to lay it before God every.single.time.