Saturday, December 17, 2005


no, not my papers... still got two of those outstanding.
(i know. pathetic. simply pathetic.)

by the time i get them done and submitted, i'll have just enough time to pack and i'm off for the holidays. so this'll be my last post of the year. should be real nice and sunny where i'm at ;)

i'll leave off with these heartfelt words:

  1. watch out, steer clear of them mistletoes
  2. be very careful what you wish for
  3. don't let gluttony add to those love handles
  4. no boxing on boxing day please. be nice
and lastly... don't forget the Celebrant!

cheers ;)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

the age of the wuss

anyone catch that article in the oct31 issue of maclean's?

i was bored at work so i went through the office's stack of magazines and... well, the title alone piqued my curiosity.

and so i read it. very interesting. i'm not even sure where to begin...

After all their 'evolving,' men run the risk of obscuring the meaning of male altogether

haha... yeah...

"A few years ago, I might have said that men didn't take care of themselves enough," she says. "Now they're doing so more and more -- maybe too much. With these men, I could not fall in love."


But men in the 21st century face a challenge. It is less a test of their masculinity than a search for masculinity itself.


But according to some researchers, women bear some responsibility for the current male malaise, because they've been sending conflicting signals about what they want from men.


(if only i could submit papers in this fashion!)

Sunday, December 11, 2005

weapons, etc.

i was watching my old school do a wushu demo today and i got really nostalgic. yet again. (this is not the first time, nor will it be the last.)

there are certain things in life that leave a mark on a person in such a way that no amount of time or space or distance or anything could ever wipe it out completely. kinda like frodo in LOTR, when he got stabbed by a black rider at weathertop. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, go read the book(s)... and if you really can't, only then should you watch it on dvd :P )

i have many such marks. this is one of them. my hands haven't held a weapon in so long, and i admit that i miss the feeling. i miss the experience. i miss the physical training and rigorous exercise. i miss the competitiveness and the drive to win. i miss the old team and the camaraderie we had. i miss the art of the performance. i miss my straightsword, my spear... and my other weapons too. i miss my C7 (and C9 and C6) and my 76-mm L23A1. man, what i would give to fire one more round......

but i hold a different kind of weapon now. it's really strange, almost funny... all my life i've been preparing myself to fight different kinds of battles, and i think it's all part of God's plan for me. He's raised a female warrior for Himself ;) and even though it doesn't feel like it (with all the reading and writing and studying and eating and sleeping and NO EXERCISE), i don't believe He ever took me out of battle mode... He's just training me to fight a different kind of battle. so He's given me new "night-vision goggles" (which i'm still getting used to btw... having a bit of trouble spotting the enemy) to scope out the spiritual battle scene, and as for my new weapons, they're not really new since i've had them all along... but now i gotta treat them like actual weapons. there's no way i'm sitting out of this battle! BRING IT!!!


"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Ephesians 6:12

Monday, December 05, 2005


memory stinks!!! to sheol with memory!!!

i can't recall what i wanna recall,
i can't retain what i wanna retain,
and the real clincher for me is
i can't forget what i wanna forget!!!

gaahhh!!! vanity of vanities!!!


"Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain."

Ecclesiastes 1:18

(no, not procrastinating this time.)

i just can't seem to stay asleep. this is the third time i've woken up tonight. must be the coffee. i thought it was a large, but it could very well have been an extra large... what was my mom thinking?? she's the one with the exam. i actually wanna sleep! though i suppose i didn't have to drink the whole cup... (yah right, like i would ever waste coffee in my right mind...)

lately, i've been forcing myself to wake up when my body naturally wants to continue sleeping, and as a result i get these flashes from my dreams... when i was young, i used to vividly remember them all, and then something happened to my memory (i blame university) and i could no longer remember my dreams. but if i catch myself half-asleep, i'll remember bits of my dream for a few minutes.

goodness, they've been extreme lately... or maybe they've always been extreme, but i never remember enough to think so. another word i would use to describe my dreams is 'afflicted'... in some ways, i feel like my dreams are an outlet of the sins that i consciously try to avoid in my wakeful state. i remember one time going to bed in such peace and with all these good thoughts, having just had a wonderful talk with God, and when i woke up the next morning with a momentary glimpse of what i had just been dreaming about, i freaked and felt the need to repent of the atrocities that were taking place in my unconscious mind. so i've started asking Him to guard my dreams... but i still keep having awful ones. not all the time, but a lot of the time. (sometimes equivalent to outright nightmares, in which case i wake up the next day with a frown line between my eyebrows that takes hours to go away. aagh, wrinkles!) obviously i'm not understanding how this whole dream business really works or what purpose it serves in my case...... i guess the only reason i'm freaking out is cuz i can't control it. my whole life should serve to glorify God, whether i'm asleep or awake, and i really don't see my dreams as God-glorifying at all. wish He would just resolve this for me.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

(procrastinating. part deux.)

i went to the mall today. it was a necessary excursion.

but what i came out with was not what i went there to get.

bad grace bad!!! no peace for me tonight. and no chocolate either.

i think i need to make at least one return. which also means i need to go back to the mall. aaagh!!

seriously, the minute that return is processed, i need to make like joseph and FLEE from that cursed, money-sucking black hole of a place......


apacible adj. calm, gentle [n. apacibilidad]

that's a spanish word, by the way. (many filipino surnames are.) and please pronounce it right... it's AHH-pah-SEE-bleh. happens to be my middle name, my brother's middle name, my mom's maiden name, and my grandfather's surname... or so i thought.

i learned something interesting today. my great-grandfather had the surname of patugalan. my grandfather should've been a patugalan. my relations on that side are all patugalans. it was my great-grandmother whose last name was apacible. she died and my grandfather was her only child. but my great-grandfather remarried and had other patugalan children. apparently, my grandfather was the very last of the apacibles... no one else from his mother's side to carry on the line. in order for the apacible line to continue, they changed his last name to reflect his mother's line... and thus, the apacible line continues to this day. (normally i'm quite embarrassed about my unusual middle name, but i feel honoured now that i know the story behind it.)

onto my paternal side... so my dad's roots are in fujian province. he just came back from a trip to china and we apparently own some land in xiamen! well, sort of... our particular TAN line corporately owns a chunk of land, and any (male) tans are entitled to claim their share if they so choose. i dunno, maybe this is considered a normal thing in china, but it's news to me. and i think my dad's actually interested in claiming his lot... which really amuses me for some reason. and they're even in the process of building this huge tan "shrine" (i dunno how else to call it, but i hope it's not a worshipping kind of place) with the names of all the tans... again, just the males (no comment!)... but anyway, it's nice to find out stuff like this. one of these days i'm gonna work out my whole geneaology.