i just can't seem to stay asleep. this is the third time i've woken up tonight. must be the coffee. i thought it was a large, but it could very well have been an extra large... what was my mom thinking?? she's the one with the exam. i actually wanna sleep! though i suppose i didn't have to drink the whole cup... (yah right, like i would ever waste coffee in my right mind...)
lately, i've been forcing myself to wake up when my body naturally wants to continue sleeping, and as a result i get these flashes from my dreams... when i was young, i used to vividly remember them all, and then something happened to my memory (i blame university) and i could no longer remember my dreams. but if i catch myself half-asleep, i'll remember bits of my dream for a few minutes.
goodness, they've been extreme lately... or maybe they've always been extreme, but i never remember enough to think so. another word i would use to describe my dreams is 'afflicted'... in some ways, i feel like my dreams are an outlet of the sins that i consciously try to avoid in my wakeful state. i remember one time going to bed in such peace and with all these good thoughts, having just had a wonderful talk with God, and when i woke up the next morning with a momentary glimpse of what i had just been dreaming about, i freaked and felt the need to repent of the atrocities that were taking place in my unconscious mind. so i've started asking Him to guard my dreams... but i still keep having awful ones. not all the time, but a lot of the time. (sometimes equivalent to outright nightmares, in which case i wake up the next day with a frown line between my eyebrows that takes hours to go away. aagh, wrinkles!) obviously i'm not understanding how this whole dream business really works or what purpose it serves in my case...... i guess the only reason i'm freaking out is cuz i can't control it. my whole life should serve to glorify God, whether i'm asleep or awake, and i really don't see my dreams as God-glorifying at all. wish He would just resolve this for me.
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2 comments:
I wonder why God would let us have a dream and forget them when we woke up....tsk tsk.
-Marie
hrmm, actually, it's good, it's admirable.. never really thought about it that way... sometimes i don't even watch myself during my waking moments, heh.
but about remembering the dream, yeah, i haven't had one that i could remember for years (i think) now... then the other day, i had one and it was kinda surreal and weird... now i'm back to not remembering..
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